I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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