Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
do nipples grow back?
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