I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
When are your genitals available?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
