Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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