So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
