i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Barsexuality is the new black.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
