Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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