dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
And then my night got REAL pukey
I have aggressive nipples.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
