I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
