Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
