she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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