then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
