i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
