My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
My vagina is very pro this idea
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
