Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
