margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
