Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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