Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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