Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
