True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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