Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I have already put on my inside pants.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
