i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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