Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
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