I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
