dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I need water and some morals
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
