I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I need a beard to bite.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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