i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
