I got chris browned last night
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
