I just saw a hot homeless man
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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