she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
