How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
