WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
