i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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