I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Randomize
