Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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