David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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