hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Randomize
