We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
