I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I wish I only lived at night.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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