He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
