My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
