You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
