I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
She's just so happy...and so naked.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
