halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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