she takes plan B like it's going out of style
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
