i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
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