Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
