went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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