Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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