i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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