she was so not down for the gang bang
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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