my vag is so smooth its legendary
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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