spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Randomize
