She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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