yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
